i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
