I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
