btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
