Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
