can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
