so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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