She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
