You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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