I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
