Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We got so high we made milksteak
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
