after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
