PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
