Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
