who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
