It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
