Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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