anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
