I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
