Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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