Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
