My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
