I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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