wanna go halves on a baby?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
