if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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