I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
