The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize