the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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