i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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