girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
