I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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