i already hear my dad disowning me
I can text with my tongue
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
