i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
