So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
