I love black thongs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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