i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
