your room smells of hookers.
And success
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
