i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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