i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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