i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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