I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
