Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
