She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
