just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
tell me about the fingering
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
