So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
NoShamevember. You game?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
