At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
