is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
