Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i will never coherently bang her
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
