sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
