Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
