tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
