He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
