apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
