Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize