The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
