he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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