It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
