Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
