Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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