it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
