oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
