Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
