Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize