If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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