My friends, they love my intelligence
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
