if i can run in heels then i can drive
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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