Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
