girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
