we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
