The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
