Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
