Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
