I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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