Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
