I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
