hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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