Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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