god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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