Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
