I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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