Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
