do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And then my night got REAL pukey
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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