2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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