Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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