oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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