matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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