dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
