If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
