I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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