What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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