at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
