Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
