I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
