its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
