Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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