Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
