he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
