if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
