He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
