Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
