A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
