his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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