Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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