Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
